sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
