I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
