You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
