I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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