dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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