I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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