Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
