You smell like stripper and shame
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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