Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
