ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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