The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
