i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
