Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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