Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
