I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
