You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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