so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
