So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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