For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She announced her abortion via fbk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
