Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
