I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
