My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Vodka?
Forever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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