Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
