Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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