Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
