I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize