how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
