Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
