once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
