she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
