why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
