omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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