im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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