Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
