He had one of those small greek statue penises
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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