I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
