HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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