Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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