Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
