Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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