So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
