yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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