i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
