My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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