There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
