My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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