I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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