dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
