It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
