i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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