those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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