I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
