He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
