Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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