I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
