I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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