Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
