Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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