Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
