Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
