i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
