Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
