Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
