I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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