My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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