You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
