I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
